I had another break through a few days ago, they seem to be coming more frequently these days I’ve been trying so sososo hard to relax and calm my nervous system down, to minimize my anxiety, and to create a more balanced work/life schedule.
As many of the people in my close circle know, I’ve been struggling with anxiety more than ever the past month or so waking up in a panic every day. After reflection, I think this is the state that I have been in for a long time but just wasn’t aware of it until recently.
I was waking up, heartbeat fast breathing heavy, anticipating a fire I would have to put out, a call to jump on, or an unpleasant email that I need to respond to. I’ve been so used to literally jumping out of bed and immediately working. This is how I’ve been operating since at least 2015.
I knew this wasn’t healthy, so I sought out help. For the past four months, I have been working with an energy coach who has been helping me become more aware of my energy while helping me work through limiting belief systems and breaking old patterns of behavior that I have adapted over the past 10 years working like a dog day in and day out.
She's honestly help me get grounded back to reality so much!
After explaining to my coach how I was feeling, she proceeded to guide me through a beautiful meditation that brought light and awareness to my nervous system. In the meditation, she had me close my eyes and picture myself sitting in 1 half of an infinity sign. In the other half, she instructed me to visualize me pulling my nervous system out of my body and place it in the other half of the infinity sign.
She told me to observe it. It was cranky. It was tired. It was achy. It wasn’t firing properly. There were places of pain that were lighting up that I had completely been ignoring for years… physically and emotionally. I saw my nervous system as a giant ball of red and purple lights tangled up in flashing chaos.
It was hard to see and acknowledge, but I know seeing is the path to my growth.
Then, she instructed me to repeat phrases after her. The phrases consisted of giving lots of loving kindness to my nervous system, mostly giving it compassion for the pain it’s felt over the past…who knows long.
I spent a solid 10 minutes repeating phrases like:
‘I’m so sorry you haven’t felt safe. I am so sorry you don’t know how to relax. I am so sorry you haven’t felt peace. I am so sorry you had to carry a lot of pressure.”
…and so on and so on.
I’m not gunna lie, I cried a lot through this, and it was hard to not feel guilty for being the one who did this to my nervous system. It was hard to acknowledge that pain that I have actually felt and pushed down for such a long period of time.
But untangling my nervous system and experiencing such a beautiful release was liberating. I felt tension in my body that has been there for years… dissolve. Sore spots got lighter. I felt more calm. I felt more aware, and more in control of my body.
If there’s any takeaway I’d love to share with you from this experience is to give yourself lots of love and compassion. Any physical or emotional pain your feel, and struggles you’ve been dealing with, give your nervous system the acknowledgement it needs to feel safe. Simply acknowledge how it feels and give it compassion just like you would a friend.
I promise, your perspective will change.
“Wisdom is the ability to give and take advice from yourself” - Sam Harris
p.s. I’ve been thinking about teaching a workshop on techniques like this - let me know if you’d be interested!
All my best,
Megan Wren is a CHEK Holistic Lifestyle Coach, Fitness Expert, Poet, Author, and Multimedia Performing Artist. You can find her on instagram at @itsmeganwren