Self Love and Acceptance

"I am free

More comfortable being me

Able to do whatever I please

My mess, or my cleanliness

The silence or the sound

I am feeling good

All around"

- pg 44 BLOOM

I wrote this poem back in late 2019. I remember writing it sitting on my couch in my new apartment with the lights low, sipping a glass of wine. I was all alone for the very first time, and even though my life was incredibly hectic, for a brief moment I felt so peaceful. It was liberating sitting there by myself literally able to do what I want. That moment was one of the first times I ever sensed freedom, the first time in a long time no one was telling me what to do or how to be. No pressure from work or partners. A moment of peace I’ll always remember.

Peace and presence is important. 

I hate that I keep talking about it, but I’m still working through the past few years. I’ve turned a corner, but the lessons still keep coming. When I moved to California back in 2015 I immediately started working for one person and dated the same person for 5+ years straight. And to be honest, I didn’t know squat about living until I moved to California. Training was my first real job, and the relationship was my first serious one. I’m not kidding, I didn’t even know how to cut an onion, flip an egg, or drive a stick shift until I moved to California. I didn’t even know what I liked and I didn’t know or trust my body. My sense of self and sense of direction didn’t exist. I started to accumulate the things I liked by doing activities other people did or what I was told to do.

So you can imagine losing most of these things, I had no idea my sense of self or direction once again.

I have to give myself a ton of credit. It’s been so absolutely freaking vulnerable truly creating my own, new path and I've had to own it every step of the way and love myself no matter what. I’ve never truly forged a path of my own until I moved to LA. There hasn’t been anyone telling me it’s okay or not okay. No one making my work schedule or waiting up for me to come home. I’ve been so used to having the external validation of someone telling me what is right or wrong and being my guiding light. Doing things along has honestly been scary. I’ve had to truly learn, love, and trust myself. There have been times where I’ve been afraid to leave my house in LA because of fear I’m doing something wrong by going out into the world. I’ve had to learn to not judge myself for my mess or cleanliness or judge myself for not hitting a certain “standard” that someone else created from my past. I have had to teach myself to be present and fully engage in each activity in each moment I do throughout the day and stop worrying or thinking I should be doing something different than what is ringing true to my heart.

So this whole phase of the journey of the past few years has truly been a journey into self love and acceptance. Even though I am still growing and learning, I have to love my self for everything I do and check in and ask “is this authentic to my true self?” This is where practices like meditation and movement are so important because they teach us about our inner world. This is also why I like Buddhism because the philosophy is about cultivating a relationship with yourself, and that relationship is an ongoing practice.

The other thing I’ve learned, is to just be. I realized I was tired of trying to get somewhere so I decided to just be. I decided to BE a personal trainer and health coach. To BE an artist and a poet. We can BE as many things as we want.

In any given moment, we have to just decide what we want to be and act in alignment with that. (Ahh the power of the good ole affirmation “I AM”)

I am peaceful. I am calm. I am healthy. I am strong. I am an artist. I am a coach. I am organized. I am thoughtful. I am a mom. I am a sister. When we are being, we are present. 

What are you trying to cultivate in your life? How can you choose to BE that now in the moment? Does that shift your thinking? What does being a sister look like? What does being healthy look like? What types of activities do they do? How do they live their life?

Be you, and love every weird awkward moment of blooming into the ever evolving best version of you as you continuously try something new. 

All my love,

Megan Wren